I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
