I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize