8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
how drunk are you?
Several
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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