I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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