yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
