You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
