god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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