It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize