I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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