you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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