I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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