This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
