Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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