Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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