I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
well I can't set my house on fire every night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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