the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
