Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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