She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
