Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
