That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ok first of all what the fuck
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
