Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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