Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
