From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
