A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
