I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
