this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
