i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize