I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
