If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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