I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
