I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
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Do I have a choice?
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize