the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
