FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
