We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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