Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
