Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
only you would photoshop your dick
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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