I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
