I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The adults are the big ones right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
