He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
