Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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