For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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