I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
