i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
