I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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