im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
