why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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