So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
