I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
