Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize