well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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