All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
