I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
