im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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