before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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