It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
