Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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