If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
