The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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