The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
