dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
