that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
