Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
