Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
