Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
