I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
