I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
