I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize