walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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