I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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