I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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