Dual....:-)
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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