Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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