Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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