I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
