Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
