I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't EVER smell your tampon
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
