3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
