i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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