Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
