Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize