she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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