Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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