make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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