We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
look no pants
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
