It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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