He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
