i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
